Are Open Relationships Worth It? Pros & Cons Explored at Denver Couples Center
A Thoughtful, Real-World Look at the Pros and Cons
Last month, we sat across from a couple in our office at Denver Couples Center who had been together for eight years. They loved each other deeply, but one partner felt constrained by traditional monogamy while the other couldn't imagine sharing them with anyone else. Their question wasn't unique: "Are open relationships really worth it?"
After many years providing couples therapy in Denver, We've noticed this conversation happening more frequently. The pandemic shifted how we think about connection, intimacy, and what we truly need from our relationships. While open relationships aren't new, the willingness to discuss them openly certainly is.
The reality? There's no universal answer. We've guided couples who discovered that consensual non-monogamy transformed their relationship for the better. We've also worked with those who tried it and realized monogamy better suited their emotional landscape. Both outcomes taught me something valuable about love's complexity.
What Actually Defines an Open Relationship?
Here's what we tell every couple during our initial relationship counseling sessions: an open relationship isn't "permission to cheat with a fancy name." That misconception creates more problems than it solves.
True consensual non-monogamy requires explicit agreement between partners to explore romantic or sexual connections outside their primary relationship. The implementation varies dramatically. Some couples we work with date separately while maintaining their primary bond. Others prefer occasional shared experiences with new partners. A few simply want the theoretical freedom, even if they never exercise it.
The common denominator in successful alternative relationships? Ruthless honesty and intentional communication. In fact, we often tell clients that if you want open relationships to work, you'll need better communication skills than most monogamous couples ever develop.
Why Couples Consider Opening Their Relationships
During couples therapy sessions, We've heard countless reasons why partners explore non-monogamy. Here are the most authentic motivations:
The Growth Seekers: We've worked with individuals who wanted to "date themselves again" while staying committed to their long-term partner. Opening their relationship helped them rediscover parts of themselves that marriage had overshadowed.
The Passion Revitalizers: After many years together, some couples feel like roommates. Rather than accept a passionless relationship or divorce, they explore bringing new energy into their lives while preserving their emotional bond.
The Identity Explorers: When someone realizes they're attracted to a different gender or discovers new aspects of their sexuality, their partner might support their need to explore while maintaining their primary relationship. Alternative relationship models can allow authentic self-discovery without sacrificing their partnership.
The Mismatched: Sometimes partners have significantly different libidos or emotional needs. Instead of suffering in silence or ending an otherwise healthy relationship, some couples view consensual non-monogamy as a compassionate solution.
These aren't excuses or relationship band-aids. They're often signs of self-awareness and courage to pursue authentic happiness.
The Real Benefits When Open Relationships Work
We've witnessed remarkable transformations in our Denver couples therapy practice. When approached thoughtfully, opening a relationship can yield unexpected benefits:
Communication Breakthroughs: You simply cannot navigate multiple relationships without learning to articulate your needs, fears, and boundaries clearly. We've seen couples who had never talked so honestly about their desires until they opened their relationship. That communication breakthrough improved every aspect of their marriage.
Paradoxical Trust Building: This surprises many clients initially. When you're completely transparent about outside connections, trust often deepens rather than erodes. Regular check-ins and honest conversations create security, not anxiety.
Individual Empowerment: Meeting new people and managing complex emotions builds confidence. We've watched introverted clients blossom into socially confident individuals through their experiences with non-monogamy.
Expanded Support Networks: Opening relationships sometimes creates genuine friendships and community connections that enrich both partners' lives beyond romance or sex.
However, these benefits don't materialize automatically. They require intention, vulnerability, and often professional guidance through couples therapy services.
The Honest Challenges That Matter
Open relationship counseling reveals harsh truths that couples must navigate. We don't sugarcoat these realities because unprepared couples often damage their primary relationship irreparably.
Jealousy Is Universal: Even secure, confident people experience jealousy. We've seen it in every couple attempting non-monogamy. The key isn't eliminating jealousy but learning to communicate about it without shame or judgment. Working through these feelings rather than dismissing them is crucial for success.
Time Becomes Precious Currency: Maintaining one healthy relationship requires energy. Multiple relationships demand careful time management and emotional bandwidth. We've seen couples burn out trying to juggle too many connections without proper boundaries.
Existing Trust Issues Multiply: If your relationship already struggles with honesty or trust, opening it won't fix those problems—it will amplify them. That's why I often recommend focusing on your primary relationship through couples therapy before introducing additional complexity.
Social Navigation: Not everyone understands alternative relationships. Family gatherings, workplace conversations, and social events can become minefields. Couples need strategies for handling judgment, questions, and unsolicited opinions.
Is an Open Relationship Right for Your Relationship?
During relationship counseling, I guide couples through essential questions before they consider consensual non-monogamy:
Are both partners genuinely curious about opening the relationship, or is one feeling pressured to agree? I've seen too many relationships damaged when one partner reluctantly consents to keep their partner happy.
How do you currently handle conflict, jealousy, and difficult conversations? If these areas need work, address them first through couples therapy services before adding relationship complexity.
Can you establish clear agreements and modify them as your needs evolve? Successful open relationships require ongoing negotiation and flexibility.
Do you feel emotionally safe being completely honest with each other about attraction, desires, and fears? Without this foundation, alternative relationships become dangerous territory.
Are you prepared for intensive emotional work, even when it's uncomfortable or inconvenient? Non-monogamy isn't easier than monogamy—it's often more demanding.
If your relationship currently struggles with communication, trust, or unmet needs, I recommend focusing on those areas through professional couples therapy before considering opening your relationship.
Finding Your Authentic Relationship Model
After years of providing couples therapy in Denver, We've learned that successful relationships come in countless forms. Some clients thrive in traditional monogamy, others flourish in open relationships, and many discover hybrid models that work for their unique situation.
What matters isn't conforming to societal expectations but creating intentional relationships that align with your values, emotional needs, and life goals. Alternative relationships can be deeply rewarding, but they can also be devastatingly challenging.
The couples who succeed share common traits: exceptional communication skills, deep trust, emotional resilience, and commitment to ongoing growth. Most importantly, they're willing to seek professional guidance when they need it.
If you're curious about open relationships or want to strengthen your current relationship model, the Denver Couples Center offers specialized relationship counseling for all types of partnerships. We can help you explore your questions, work through your concerns, and develop the skills necessary for whatever relationship structure serves you best.
Love doesn't require fitting predetermined molds, but it does demand honesty, intention, and courage. Whether you choose monogamy, non-monogamy, or something in between, the journey toward authentic connection deserves professional support.
